my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
