just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
