She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
