Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
