The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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