We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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