Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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