You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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