i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
