I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
