They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
