Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize