Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
