Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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