He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize