Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
