i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
two words...techno handjob
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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