your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
