He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
