You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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