i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
