that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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