I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
