so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
