i think my mom watched the whole time
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
