i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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