He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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