How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
