The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
