when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
sex in a hospital.. check
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
