After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
