I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
