are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
