Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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