he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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