the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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