you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize