so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
