Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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