She's JV to your varsity
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
