Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
