You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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