I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
