i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
