im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
