I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
