he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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