I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
