I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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