I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Im part way to drunk.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
