I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
