every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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