remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
