Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
