do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Houston, we have a squirter
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
