Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
