glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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