Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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