Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
