You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
