Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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