It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
