from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
