My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize