So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
