I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
