No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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