You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
