OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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