I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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