Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
